I sit here with a bit of prairie sage burning, hand picked and dried under the hot Albertan summer sun, country music filling the air, an assortment of herbs in my tea, my dog snuggled up beside me, and the clouds hanging heavy in between the mountains surrounding Salzburg.
It’s not very often I get a Sunday morning to myself, a morning I’ve been looking forward to all week as I knew it would be filled with yin yoga, tea, reading, a calm peaceful vibe, and much to my surprise, inspiration to write.
In 1 day less than 4 weeks, my Dad will be putting on his brand new cowboy boots he bought for the occasion, to walk me down the aisle towards my Irishman soulmate, the Mediterranean sea witnessing us along with 84 of our closest friends and family from 8 different countries.
We have been swept up in the excitement of the approaching wedding and having a week of relaxing in sunny Spain with family and friends who have traveled far to be there with us. Many of them I haven’t seen in almost a year and who will be travelling for 24 hours to be there.
This past month and a half, I have finally given myself permission to be fully happy, to fully celebrate, to fully receive, and to enjoy the Heaven on Earth I have created for myself. You see, I spent the greater part of this past year adjusting to living life abroad, working through great inner transformation, as well as processing and letting go of a best friendship of 22 years.
The crumbling of this friendship had me carrying a lot of guilt in my subconscious, which was blocking my ability to fully receive this life that I’ve created. My happiness caused someone I loved deeply a lot of pain, which ended up causing me significant heartache.
I haven’t had your normal bridal experience leading up to the big day, which definitely impacted the level of excitement I was allowing myself to feel. Most of this year when I would think of the wedding, my heart felt like it was crumbling apart because the one person that my entire life I thought would be there standing next to me, wasn’t going to be.
It was a huge process of shifting and letting go for me to finally get to the point of truly looking at who is going to be there, rather than focusing on the one person who I felt such deep hurt over.
This is something my fiance reminded me many times throughout the year, but I had to go through my own process of dissolving the energetic cords and entanglements to get to the place of finally saying, “I deserve so much better. I forgive. I bless and release. I give myself permission to fully receive the love in my life and celebrate such.”
I have done so much work and focused so greatly on my inner transformation to get to where I am.
It was only 3 years ago that I hopped on my first ever plane ride which completely changed the course of my life. I jumped from the timeline of being an oilfield trophy girlfriend living in the white picket fence materialistic lifestyle to a life of many passport stamps, being a full time entrepreneur, and meeting my soulmate on a tour bus in Cuba which lead me and my dog to moving across the world.
Before the timeline where I was living the white picket fence lifestyle, I was a rebellious 16 year old who moved out of her parents’ home to be with a thug, living the rock and roll lifestyle of drugs, alcohol, and violence. I spent 3 years in that timeline, enduring abuse of multiple different forms because I had such low self-worth at the time that the only place I felt accepted was a very dark place.
I was a damsel in distress the majority of my teenage years and early 20’s, which needless to say, continued to attract a lot of traumatic experiences my way until I expanded my consciousness around the subject and finally dug deep enough to do the inner work to release this story.
Come the age of 16 I started to live my life outside of the lines. I had a lot of unexplainable anger and sadness that fueled my need to rebel. Even during the timeline of being a bank employee, living in a big beautiful house paid by oilfield income, in a relationship that was “safe” and “vanilla”, I still tip toed outside of the lines by releasing my inner rebel through a wild stream of rock concerts and burying ink into my skin as a method of self expression.
Little did I know at the time that my desire to rebel was going to be the foundation that my ascension process would be built off of which would influence the way that I coach others through great transformation.
Moving across the world shocked my entire being. I was no longer in the environment that had me anchored to certain fear based belief systems that was fogging my perception of many situations, but mostly, my own self worth. When my dog and I landed in Austria, I began to go through a great purging and unraveling of conditioning, fears, and distortions in my energetic field.
I let go of putting people on the pedestal.
I let go of needing validation from the men in my life: my Dad, my brothers, my fiance, my guy friends.
I let go of feeling like I needed to be accepted to feel loved.
I let go of all fragments of the victim mentality.
I let go of deep unworthiness layers and buried trauma charges in my being.
I let go of my expectations of others.
I unraveled every part of myself until there was darkness and nothingness.
In this nothingness though, was great vastness.
I came home to myself.
I came home to my inner cosmos, my soul blueprint, my authentic voice, and to love.
This upcoming wedding is perfectly timed in so many ways.
This year’s galactic theme is union between the masculine and the feminine: the king and queen energies.
I have done so much inner work to release all fragments of the damsel in distress within to step into my sovereign power as the quantum cosmic queen of my reality, and now I am ready to celebrate my sacred union with my king, held and witnessed by all those that have supported me along the way.
This wedding isn’t only a ceremony of union, it’s a ceremony of me completing many initiations to rise into the consciousness that is required of me to do the work that I am soul contracted to do here in this lifetime.
This year is a big year. In every single way.
Cheers to initiations.
Cheers to expansion.
Cheers to my king.
Cheers to the passport stamp that lead me to him.
Cheers to the passport stamp that lead me to me.
Photo credit; Stephany Stefan, Croatia