Tonight marks the first Full Moon since I arrived in Salzburg. Last month, I did my final full moon ceremony in Alberta. I said goodbye to my friends and family alongside the full moon. I walked my dog under the full moon at 4 am in Strathmore, my stopping point in the 3 hour drive from Medicine Hat to the Calgary Airport.
I looked up at the full moon as I walked my dog across the gravel road, and I asked her for support as I make this massive transition. I asked her to help me bring my full heart with me, and not to leave any fragments of it in Alberta so that I start my new life, my new book, as my full self. So that I could show up to my future husband whole and present. I thanked her for all of the ceremonies, all of the healing love and light she has shone down on me over the years, and for the amazing way that I was leaving my life in Alberta. I got my closure.
I felt fully and emotionally ready to make the move across seas because I allowed myself to feel sad when I needed to as the move date approached and I allowed myself to sit in the excitement as it surfaced and share it with my loved ones. I had conversations with people that I knew I needed to have to get my closure, to tie up loose ends, and to prepare them for my absence.
It’s been a wild 4 weeks. It’s been chaotic, emotional, exciting, exhausting and some days frustrating.
I am surrounded by a culture that is very different than Canadians. Most Austrians are very closed minded and keep to themselves within their own culture. I have felt what it feels like to be an “immigrant” and have people judge me and not like me because I’m an outsider. Fortunately, it doesn’t bother me because I was mentally prepared that I would be dealing with rude people here and there. Some look at my dog with disgust as if she’s a diseased pig, some jump out of the way from her out of fear that she is going to eat them, and others excitedly talk in German to her and both Lyla and I look back with a blank stare and I say, “Ich lerne deutsch, do you speak English?” (translation: I am learning German).
I went to an ear doctor last week because I thought I had an inner ear infection. I was hella dizzy, which is normally my symptoms when I have an inner ear infection. It was a horrifying experience to say the least. He flung my body around on the table to see if I had vertigo, not telling me what he was doing as he went along. I was pretty triggered, being in a room alone with a strange man that doesn’t speak much of my language, who was quite physical with me without communication as to what he was going to be doing next. He then he forced my head down and held it down as he put metal utensils in my ear and scraped around. Things that don’t happen in Canada LOL. He proceeded to charge me 115 euros and all he said was that I don’t have an inner ear infection. His receptionist said to me that I should try smiling more. Just what you want to hear when you are trying not to whoof your cookies in the reception.
Grocery shopping is a gong show. Back home, I am used to going to one store and having tons of selection of each kind of everything, and I like to read labels so that I can avoid preservatives and chemicals in my foods/products. It’s very different here. Google translate only will translate a small amount of the ingredients, and I am lucky if the shop has even 1 of the products I am looking for. If I were to make a chili, I would have to hit up multiple shops to get all of the ingredients on the recipe. Meanwhile you are cycling to each shop, trying to not get hit by vehicles and trying not to hit the swarms of pedestrians and tourists. I know as I settle in more this will become a lot easier and part of normal life for me.
Despite the frustrating parts, it’s all part of the journey and the adventure of living abroad. Each day I learn something new, I observe things that are absolutely absurd to me, and I question why people don’t know spacial awareness and why they are so flippin’ angry.
I’ve been learning how to establish a solid routine that’s most productive and in flow. Days that we do errands or grocery shop throws the rest of my day off because it takes SO long to do them. Either you’re biking through swarms of people, walking or riding the bus, rather than the convenience of just hopping in a vehicle and quickly firing through them like I did back home. Owning a vehicle here wouldn’t make it any quicker, it’s just the way that it is because there are so many people in such a small area. Keep in mind, I live smack dab in the tourist zone.
But among the chaoticness, there is magic. We go on new walks exploring different parts of the city. When I walk along the river back towards the apartment with Lyla, there’s a castle and a mid evil town on the horizon. Each adventure walk holds something new and exciting. The way a mother comforts her distraught child. The couples sitting along the river on a blanket, enjoying a bottle of wine together. A busker playing Despacito on the corner of the lock bridge. A different kind of flower I’ve never seen before. A breed of dog I didn’t know existed. Getting to know things about my fiance that I didn’t know before because they were never brought up on text, facetime or the few weeks here and there we would spend together. Small things like where his parents met and childhood memories. Falling in love with him more everyday. Seeing him bond on a deeper level each day with Lyla. It’s been so amazing watching the friendship of man and man’s best friend unfold.
There’s always something going on in Salzburg. It’s a very lively city. Each weekend there are festivals. Whether it’s a food truck festival, or a music festival, there’s always something. You just can’t hit them all when you live here, but it’s nice to always have options. People use the river banks as places to tan in their swim suits, and parks as a place to do yoga and relax. Most people don’t have their own backyards here, so the parks are used in a different way than how people in Canada use them.
I have stepped into my feminine even more now that I am living here. I am in the presence of my masculine energetic polar match, which gives me the space to soften and just be. He’s the first relationship where I’ve been in the feminine role rather than the masculine, and as a result I’ve learned so much about myself and past conditioning. In past relationships, I was the one who made sure everything got done. I was the one in the leadership role while my partner was more in the following role. Truth be told I was a ball buster. During my year of being single, I adjusted my energy and stepped more into my feminine because I didn’t want to have another relationship like that. As a result, I attracted a man more in his masculine than in his feminine, which is exactly what I wanted.
When I catch myself going into past patterns of being more in my masculine, the polarity is off in our relationship and we butt heads. I then adjust my energy back to being more in my feminine with him, and the polarity and chemistry ignites. Being in a relationship is the ultimate personal growth journey. You have to face the shadow parts of yourself and include someone else in holding space for you to heal. I’ve had to learn to get vulnerable in a new way, and share my healing journey with him as I go through it so that he knows whats live for me and where my energy is.
For tonight’s Full Moon ceremony, my fiance will be home for it. It’s a bit strange to me sharing my space with someone when I do my whole smudging ritual, but at the same time, it’s exciting that I feel comfortable with him enough to show him my witchy woo side and do it right in front of him without feeling judged.
This Full Moon, I am asking for help in continuing to settle in. Homesickness hasn’t kicked in, though I miss my friends and family, it still just feels like I’m on vacation and I’m going home soon. I definitely am homesick for Canadian food though. Here, the cakes look great, but when you eat them, they don’t taste great. LOL.