Our thoughts create emotions. The thought comes first, then the emotion ripples through our body. Sometimes, we are feeling low or anxious and we don’t know why. That’s because on an unconscious level, there is a thought that is triggering that emotion.
Playing in the background of our conscious thoughts are our subconscious thoughts. The thoughts and beliefs that you aren’t aware of until you start digging deep and doing internal work. For example, most of us have the deep seated belief that we are not good enough which was imprinted into our brain when we were children.
Our subconscious develops until we are 6 years old, meaning our beliefs were imprinted into us through the lens and perception of a child which is playing out in our lives into adulthood. I remember the very moment the belief that I was not good enough was imprinted into my little 4 year old brain. I was upset that my scissor skills did not match the other kid’s in the class, and that was when I decided my project wasn’t good enough, and ultimately the 4 year old version of me decided I wasn’t good enough. Seems petty right? But through a child’s lens, that’s huge, and that’s when my subconscious latched onto that belief of not being good enough – even though consciously I know that’s not true.
So how does the feeling of not being worthy play out in our lives? One example that most of us can relate to is that we date people that aren’t good to us and we put up with their shit for far too long because we don’t think we deserve better. Then when we do finally find an amazing partner, you don’t feel like they will stick around for long because subconsciously you feel like you aren’t good enough. This can cause a ripple effect of you trying to sabotage the relationship without you even realising it. The good old subconscious believes this person is too good for you, so it’s going to fuck things up so that you can go back to dating people that treat you like shit. Sound familiar?
Perhaps when you are about to up level in your finances, suddenly you catch yourself wanting to spend money on your credit card before you even have gotten the pay increase. That’s because subconsciously, your belief of not being worthy, is making you spend the money before you even get it, ultimately keeping you below the same lid.
This belief can even be playing out in the way that you don’t know how to receive gracefully. You feel bad when someone buys you a coffee, rather than saying thank you. You feel uncomfortable if your partner makes a lot more money than you and you don’t like that he spends more on dates than you do. When someone gives you a compliment you shrug it off as if it’s no big deal, trying to divert the attention off of you. Sound familiar?
You’re probably thinking by now, OKAY Mary I get it, how the fuck do I unfuck myself of this belief? Your first step is upping your self love game. Treat yourself like you would your partner by dating yourself first. Make self care a daily ritual – whether it be yoga and meditation followed by your favourite herbal tea curled up with a book, or getting yourself to a massage therapist often, or just simply giving yourself half an hour to breathe and do nothing in your busy day. Tune into your body and pay attention to what it’s trying to tell you rather than slamming another coffee down to keep burning the candle at both ends. Start feeding your body in a way to energise and nourish it. Move your body in a way that you love. If doing a crazy cardio boot camp 6 days a week isn’t making you feel good, then stop! Sign yourself up for a power yoga session and spinning class a few times a week instead. Set your boundaries with people which means saying no when it doesn’t feel good rather than people pleasing and saying yes.
Your second step is positive affirmations. Your subconscious is wired to believe you are not worth it. In order to rewire that, we need to be utilizing positive affirmations such as, “I am worthy.” “I am love,” “I am loved,” “I love my authentic self,” Say it to yourself throughout the day, repeat it in the mirror, make a voice memo recording of you saying them with ocean waves playing in the background and listen to this as you are falling asleep. When you meditate, say the affirmations to yourself and feel them ripple through your body with the energy of light.
Your third step is when you get yourself into a deep meditative state, bring yourself to one of the first ever memories you remember feeling invalidated and unworthy. Go into that memory fully, and walk in there as your higher self to change the way this situation was perceived. Have a conversation with the child version of yourself reassuring them that everything is okay and that they are special and beautifully authentic. Tell that version of yourself how much you love them and how worthy they are of receiving abundance of everything. Allow that version of yourself to go do what she feels like doing now, whether it be to play or to just have a cuddle. This is where hiring an EFT tapping practitioner can be very helpful, they can guide you into that memory and properly heal it while releasing the energy around it that is holding the belief so deep in your subconscious.
Your fourth step, is to act like you are damn worth it with each decision that you make. Be intentional. Ask yourself when presented in each situation, “how would someone who has high self worth act?” and choose that route. Right down to the food that goes into your mouth, when you roll out of the bed in the morning, we make hundreds of decisions each hour that is based from a place of fear or a place of love. As you do this more, it will begin to become second nature.
This is just one of the many beliefs that we learned as children, but it’s one of the more common ones that most people have struggled with at some point in their lives. The beautiful thing is our subconscious can be retrained to release these beliefs and replace them with ones that actually serve you for your higher purpose. You just have to put in the work to do so. It takes time, it won’t happen overnight. Your mind was having this track playing in the background all of your life, it will take consistency, patience and trust to break down the wall and begin to build a new one!
Peace and love. ❤